Dear Crazy Cat Lady:

Dear "Crazy Cat Lady":

For those unitiated, this is our weekly advice column:

Q: Dear Crazy Cat Lady: Why do They Call You the "Crazy Cat Lady?" (B.O. from Brooklyn, OH)

A: I used to own 124 cats. But, I gave 3 away. So now I'm down 3 from my all time record! Crazy, isn't it? What crazy cat lady would part with three adorable cats! But, hey, there's a war on and sacrifices have to be made. So I said to myself, "Self", you have to do your part to "bring the boys back home". It just wasn't right, 124 cats dining on shrimp and prime rib while our men and women in uniform are living on K-Rations and camel's milk! Dag gummit! (Where did I put my dentures? I know I left them somewhere around here?) Well anyway, what was I writing about? Oh, never mind!

Q: Dear CCL: My neighbor disappears for days at a time. When he returns, its usually way late at night and he usually has "stuff" in big burlap bags that he buries in his backyard . He is older middle age, and has a habit of singing "Don't hang under the apple tree, with anyone else but me." Should I be alarmed? (Monica in 7-Hills)

A: Dear Monica: "Heavens no Dearie! I can carry at least 2 twenty five pound bags of catfood on my shoulders without even breaking a sweat! If he wanted your help he would ask for it! Why, when I was your age, I would walk to school and back everyday! (I lived in Parma, but I went to the Toledo School for ....oh never mind!). I would keep an eye on his cat though, if the poor thing falls in the hole before the burlap bag....well, lets just say, "every life is sacred", if you know what I mean!

(Private to G.T.): "There's more to life than a marriage that's lasted over 45 years! If he doesn't want to pay $7,500 for allergy shots, and his medications are no longer covered by the Government, I say you and shnookums are better off without him!"

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