Fear...



Some things are just downright scary. I mean, they make your gut feel like its made of lead. Your mouth dries out. Goosebumps on your arms; and then the hair stands up on the back of your neck.

On the way to a friends farmhouse, with a fishing pond in the back yard, we would take this long and lonely back country road. The drive would always take forever. I hated that road. Not because it was a road that differed from any other road in Medina County, Ohio. That had nothing to do with it.

Somewhere, down that long country road is a tree. Not just a normal tree, noooooo. This tree just happens to look like this huge, hairy, human hand sticking out of the ground. It towers above you and laughs. "Ha! Ha! Ha!" Its an evil laugh that lets you know that one of these times, when you are driving by on a moonless and foggy night, you and your car are simply going to disappear!

I could read the next day's Cleveland Plain Dealer: "MONSTER TREE WAKES! PARMA FAMILY GOES MISSING!
Then it would show a picture of a single, solitary converse all-star with a caption that read: "All that's left...."

The Mayor of Medina would be quoted, "We warned the County about that there tree! We even wanted to build the road so it went around it! But, we were told we would end up destroying the natural habitat of the endangered "three horned tree slug". What choice did we have!
Well, its always good to know that you worked your way so far up the food-chain that the only thing that stands between you and permanent destruction is a "three horned tree slug". To this day, I keep hoping that a Morton Salt Truck will spin wildly out of control on a back-county road in Medina, Ohio.

Anyway, I personally knew that beneath that hand was the rest of the monster's body. I knew that one day, maybe even today, he or she would figure a way out of the Medina clay soil that held it bound. Then there would be heck to pay in the quiet farmlands of Medina, Ohio!

"Knock, Knock."

"Who's there?"

"Jim Snert, candidate for Medina County Commissioner."

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Don't open the door! But, just like in the movies they don't listen! How stupid can you get! Jim Snert is running for County Auditor! This is just some huge, hairy, hungry tree monster looking for an easy meal! YOU ARE A SNACK, YOU FOOL! Not some registered voter being visited by some desparate politician looking for a few last minute votes at 3 AM in the morning on a foggy, moonless night!

Anyway, I don't know what happened to that hand shaped tree that looked like a hairy hand and towered high above you in the Medina sky. I figure I'm pretty safe out here in Utah. However, if you happen to be reading this from your cosy kitchen table anywhere in the vicinity of Medina, Ohio....be afraid! Be very afraid!
And make sure you are always carrying a disposable butane lighter in or about your person. Just in case!

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